Sincere's Celibacy Chronicles Vol. 2- Sexual Myths CONFIRMED

Today's Sexual Myth CONFIRMED: Chocolate is a celibate woman's bestfriend.

I am a self-proclaimed junk food junkie. I make it a rule to indulge in something sweet at least once a day. When I'm in a relationship swapping sweets for sex is satisfyingly sufficient. However, we all know the name of the game by now, and sadly, there is no satisfyingly sufficient swapping going on. Most days I am beyond frustrated, irritated, and restless, and I don't always feel like working out. As a result the number of books I read in a month has spiked, I've rediscovered my obsession with fashion magazines, and my consumption of chocolate is off the charts. I have eaten the equivalent of at least three king-sized chocolate bars this week alone. It's kind of hard to explain the effects of chocolate on a celibate woman, but I'll take a stab at it. The mechanics of tasting chocolate is reminiscent of the way sex feels, without the anticipation of an orgasm (damn). When I taste chocolate it's the meeting of my tongue, a smooth, warm, wet place, and a hard, velvety, bittersweet piece of candy. Once the two meet the sweetness lingers a little and with a little caressing, gradually the two melt into each other. Immediately, happiness ensues and a smile comes across my lips. Euphoria. Like sex, the more chocolate I have, the more I want. The craving increases with every bite until my heart is content. Afterwards I like to lull in the sweetness of what just transpired. If it's really good, a nap will soon follow. Every once in a while, when I realize what I've done, I feel a little guilty, but usually it's all good.