You Say What?!

I was having one of those great talks with my sister tonight about men and relationships (what else). We were catching each other up on all the bizzare, what- the- hell- does- that- mean things that men have said or done to us. I have decided to share some of these quotes/situations with you, complete with a short blurb of my reaction, in an attempt to understand these creatures called men. Although I'm not sure that a task such as this is even accomplishable (I don't think that's a word, but roll with it). At the very least I would like to express what I was really thinking at the moment. Brace yourselves, some of the content listed below is a little hard to digest.

"Why should I live my life like I'm in a relationship, when I haven't been presented with one."- Initially I was pissed off about this one, but upon further observation, it makes perfect sense. I know now that I was pissed because at the time I couldn't present him with a relationship. A little something called a marriage is currently preventing that from happening. But I do love him very, very much. BOMBSHELL

"I love you, I always have. Not talking in the romantic sense, as a complete entity."- This was also said to me by the man that I am so enamored by. I wasn't sure how to feel about this. I took it to mean that he was not in love with me, but now I don't know, seeing it in black and white like this makes me feel really good inside.

"I wish I had more time to work with you"- WTF? you're the one with the wife and the kid and you think I need someone to work with me? This was a classic line from the beautiful stranger, and I might add the one thing that he said that made me want to hang up on him. He was just too damn beautiful. It's amazing the things that beautiful people get away with.

"Don't worry, I'll get it up"- Please don't bother. SUBTEXT to this subtext: Men who fail to warn a woman that they are uncircumcised.- Talk about a surprise. It was so sci-fi. There are more of these things running around than you think. You guys should wear special underwear or something. An instructional video would even be helpful, that way we can decide whether or not we want to go through with it before the faucet starts leaking.

Men who take you to meet their mother/family, everything goes great, and then they disappear, or their supposed-to-be ex girlfriend calls you to say that she's NOT his EX- girlfriend.- Long distance relationships are very tricky, you never can tell exactly what is going on. He was Star Wars obsessed, and a little nerdy, but he had the goods. I can't blame the girl for fighting for that one. Junk like that is hard to find.

"You're so easy to fall in love with"- Is that a good or a bad thing? Are you saying that you're in love with me? Are you just very observant? or Are you saying that you could fall in love with me? Why even bother saying this to someone, it is annoyingly pointless.

"It was either punch you or choke you"- I really hope you get the help that you so desperately need. You do realize that no normal, mentally stable person would ever consider those two options as a suitable means to resolve an argument with your wife.

Men you have a perfect first date with that you never hear from him again- Was it something I said? Oh no, I know, I know, he's just not that into me.

"You need someone to take care of you"- Really? Because I just paid for my own glass of wine while you were standing here, is that person supposed to be you?

"I like a woman who wears glasses, a woman once let me cum on her glasses"- Are you insinuating that I let you do the same thing to me? Is that supposed to be sexy you disgusting, perverted, pervert. I have a better idea, but I won't discuss it, I'm a lady. You fill in the blank.

Men say the darnedest things!