O.P.P

"Women always want what they can't have." I've heard this echoed over and over again by men and women. Honestly, until I found myself in a situation where I was attracted to, and wanted to sleep with somebody else's man (in my case husband), I was in complete denial. I did not act on my desires, and I did not know he was married when I met him (for details refer to Sticky Situations and Sticky Situations Part Deux). The way I handled my situation however, seems to be the exception, rather than the rule. It takes discipline, and good home training, ofen times prayer to resist a temptation like that. Particularly if you feel a very strong connection with this person, and have convinced yourself that somehow, some way, this man was supposed to be yours. Rarely does a married man leave his wife and family to be with the mistress, jump-off, side-kick, or the like; the idea of this actually happening in real life is almost mythical. I'm only speaking on attraction to married men, my personal situation didn't go any further than that. I just felt like that needed to be said. Just for kicks, however, I sometimes like to play devils advocate, so I did a little "research"(deep thought coupled with personal experience) on why some women are attracted to married men.

In talking with the married man, or the beautiful stranger, as I so fondly referred to him, I discovered exactly what the appeal is. They are already domesticated. I'm not a male basher, and I don't believe that all men are dogs, but for arguments sake, I can't think of a more suitable means of comparison than a trained dog. They've been paper trained, the know how to eat without spilling their food all outside of the bowl, and they can walk properly on a leash. All of the work is already done. There is a distinct difference in appearance, attitude, maturity, and frame of mind between married men and single men. I can spot a married man from a million miles away. In fact, the night I met the beautiful stranger, as soon as I laid eyes on him I told my girlfriends, "he's probably married." He just had that domesticated look. His clothes were neat, and fit appropriately, he wasn't heavily doused in cologne, and he was very well groomed, short, clean nails, clean hair. But the dead giveaway (not a wedding band, he wasn't wearing one) was he wore a peacoat, that was tailored to fit him to perfection; substantial evidence that there was a woman in his life in some capacity, either a stylist or a wife/live-in significant other. A straight man does not dress that way on his own (no offense single men, but if you have any fashion savvy at all you owe it to the women in your lives). I know how my husband dressed when we first met. While he was always very well put together, his style gradually became a lot more polished and refined the longer we were together for two reasons.

1. I began to buy most of his clothes
2. On occasion, I picked out what he wore.

I have a hunch that single men are aware of the obvious difference between themselves and married men, which is precisely the reason why they are so resistant to a woman buying their clothes when they are "just kicking it," but I digress. To some single women, a married man equals a good man (for argument's sake, let's just ignore the fact that he's cheating on his wife). A married man has "know-how." He knows how to carry on a decent conversation because he's married. He doesn't have committment issues because he's married. He knows how to come home at night because he's married. He probably knows how to fix a car, or trim your hedges because he's married. And he knows how to treat you in public because, well, he's married. I realize how this may make single men feel. I'm not saying that you're incompetent, but relationships make a world of difference in the lives of single men, particularly long term relationships. Relationships, for single men, provide the transformation from bachelorhood to husband-hood. Speaking as a married woman who is going through a divorce I can appreciate the irony of today's post (I created it), but as an aspiring writer, I am interested in all things life. For the most part (at least in my one, isolated instance) there was no deep, philosophical reason for my attraction to the beautiful, married, stranger. The attraction to married men is just like everything else that makes this instant gratification world go round. It's fast, conveinent, and pre-packaged. Single women who are attracted to married men are attracted to them because subconsciously, whether we like to admit it or not, we all want a husband. The catch is, however, you have to get your own.